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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25536880">Old Home, New Home, Kneel</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/goalielove43/pseuds/goalielove43'>goalielove43</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Men's Hockey RPF</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Contracts, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Kneeling, Light Dom/sub, Negotiations, Other, Rookies Kneel for Vets</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 09:09:06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,447</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25536880</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/goalielove43/pseuds/goalielove43</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Radko hasn't ever knelt for anyone and he's never had anyone request to kneel for him. If he'd had to hazard a guess, he'd have said no one would ever ask him and he'd retire from the league without it ever happening. When he finds the note in his stall requesting someone kneel for him, it's a bit of a surprise.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Radko Gudas/Jonas Siegenthaler</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>52</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Old Home, New Home, Kneel</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jongley/gifts">Jongley</a>.</li>



        <li>In response to a prompt by
            <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jongley/pseuds/Jongley">Jongley</a>  in the  <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/collections/PuckingRare2020">PuckingRare2020</a>
          collection.
        </li>
    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>For Pucking Rare - A Hockey Rarepair Challenge. I only found the challenge on 7/5/2020 and so many of the prompts set off my absolute desire to write them. I managed to squeak one in under the wire, but others... I didn't. I can only hope the requestors see their pairs in the tags and will find them.<br/>For Jongley<br/>Request: siegs and dadko were a pretty consistent d pairing this season; would love to see some gentle dadko helping siegs adjust to nhl life while siegs maybe helps radko adjust to the caps (siegs played nearly 30 games up with the caps during the '18-'19 season; '19-'20 is his first full season up)<br/>i think there's some cool potential for them in a "rookies kneel for vets" AU where they get assigned to each other, but up to you!!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Radko shifted, staring down at the neatly folded note that had been in his stall when he'd come in off the ice after the third spectacularly shitty period of their game against the Flyers. He knew what the notes usually meant, he'd seen TJ get one for Vrana, had watched Sammy kneel right there in the locker room for Holts. In all his years, all his time on any team he'd ever been with, he'd neither knelt nor had someone kneel for him. But this note, this little piece of paper, told him someone had asked for him. That they'd gone so far as to talk to the coordinator and speak his name and he wondered just who in this grand locker room could possibly want to kneel for him.</p><p>Turning to face his stall, he carefully opened the envelope, slipping the elegant cardstock from inside, and took a second to steel himself before flipping open the small card. Inside, scrawled in elegant blue print lay the name of the guy who wanted to kneel for him bad enough they'd made it official to ask. </p><p>
  <i>Jonas Siegenthaler</i>
</p><p>It should have surprised him more than it did, should have knocked the air right out of his lungs that the guy he'd been horsing around with lately wanted something his monumental from him. It should have, but it didn't. It just felt <i>right</i>, like he'd unconsciously known this was something that could happen between them. </p><p>He knew how this went, knew he could go tell the front office that he declined if he wanted to, just as much as he knew he could also submit a form with what he would and wouldn't do in the bounds of this. He could make this as formal as he wanted or he could just let it run its course, see where it took them after he accepted the request. </p><p>Tucking the card back into its envelope, he slid it under his phone and went about stripping down. He was all the way down to his Under Armor when a looming presence made him glance up. Ovie stood there, his gaze on the little part of the envelope sticking out from under Radko's phone. "We talk," he gestured toward the door and Radko made a face. Press tended to linger and he didn't like the idea of being caught out there talking with Ovie. There'd be rumors and half the world instantly convinced he was in deep shit for something.</p><p>All the same, he pushed his feet into his slides and trailed after Ovie, stepping out into a blessedly empty hallway. They moved a bit down the corridor, away from the locker room door and Ovie came to a stop, leaning against the wall, one arm propped against it in some clear attempt to be casual about this.</p><p>"He ask me first to see if I think you would want him. I tell him you probably prefer formality and do through the office. If you do not like, this part, is my fault."</p><p>Radko carefully folded his arms across his chest, making sure he didn't look upset and just regarded Ovie quietly as he thought about it, about how he would have felt if it had been an informal request instead. "Better this way, perhaps," he finally admitted, feeling like he somehow wanted his first request to be documented, approved of up front in such a formal capacity. After all, it wasn't a small thing to hold someone's trust the way that Siegs was asking for him to. It had the potential to be something amazing, but it also held the potential to backfire into a blazing hell storm and he felt more comfortable with the formal contract at his back.</p><p>Ovie nodded. "He say..." Ovie trailed off, looking far away for a moment and then smiling, "he want for a while, not know how to ask. He chose you the day he arrive here."</p><p>And, well, <i>oh</i>. Radko hadn't thought about it like that. He hadn't seen the things they did or how often they hung out as being anything other than what they seemed on the surface. But now that he looked at it, it seemed so obvious that Siegs had been trying to wordlessly ask him for what he wanted. He'd been to his house, he'd insisted on helping clean up, he'd rushed off to get something Radko spoke about wanting so many times it was ridiculous, and he was just <i>there</i>. Consistently there. </p><p>It was only Radko's own lack of experience in this department that left him unable to see it. No one had ever asked him for it and he'd just sort of started believing no one ever would somewhere along the way. Some guys went their whole careers without anyone on their team kneeling for them, just the same as quite a few went without ever kneeling for someone either. Radko hadn't. He'd never felt comfortable handing over such a vulnerable piece of himself to someone else and he'd never asked to do it for the vets on his teams. Not even in Juniors. Never even in jest like he'd seen some guys do. It had always felt heavy, not like something to joke about. Jokingly kneeling in front of one vet, calling him Uncle while commenting on his dad-bod, just didn't seem like what should be done with something like this. It felt like <i>more</i>, like something to be treated with respect and certainty. </p><p>He went with Ovie, quiet as they re-entered the room and quiet through his whole shower and while he got his suit on. He glanced at Siegs' stall, saw how he sat there, fresh from the shower, nerves making him look tense, unsettled. Even settled with his hands clasped and his head bowed, he looked ready to fall apart, and even if Radko hadn't made up his mind already, that would have sealed it for him. No part of him could say no to someone who needed him this badly. </p><p>He slipped out of the room and went in search of their coordinator. He found her lingering near the back door of the venue with one of the other HR people and he paused a few steps from them, waited until she glanced up and quickly wrapped up her conversation, coming to him and guiding him back to a more private section of hallway. Radko didn't beat around the bush, rather he murmured a quiet, "I accept the contract. Did," he hesitated and then forged onward, "did he leave any provisions?"</p><p>"He signed it over to whatever you wanted to have happen. Do you have any you'd like me to relay in return?"</p><p>Radko shook his head, straightening his shoulders, pushing his hand into his pocket and feeling the paper there that told him Siegs wanted this, <i>needed</i> this, and he glanced back toward the locker room. "We will need a car, after the others have gone. Perhaps an hour."</p><p>"Certainly. I'll set one up and have them instructed to text you when they arrive." </p><p>Radko nodded, thanked her, and moved back down the hallway and stepped back into the locker room. He found Siegs exactly where he'd left him, maybe a little worse for the wear than before, and he tried to imagine how it had to feel to watch the person you'd asked to kneel for walk out the door. It was the downside of formality, you had no idea if they were walking off to go seal the deal or to decline it. Worse, maybe to ignore it as if you'd never asked to start with. He'd seen that happen once, watched the aftermath of a rejected rookie's career trying to shake apart, and he remembered trying to help with a few of the other guys, to glue him back together. He remembered how angry he'd been at the vet in question. </p><p>His feet carried him right to Siegs' stall and he stopped just far enough back to put into action what he knew needed to happen. He reached behind Siegs and plucked the clean towel off the top shelf, letting it fall to the floor at his feet. His voice was quiet, though weighted, as he let one word ring loud enough he knew it'd gain attention. "Kneel."</p><p>It wasn't that he wanted to draw attention, it was just that it always seemed to have more impact when the vets did it like that, and it seemed fitting to let the other guys know Siegs and he had made an agreement. To let them know <i>hands off</i>. </p><p>He watched the tense lines of Siegs' shoulders sag in relief, watched him all but crumple off the bench and onto the towel. Radko reached for him then, slid his hand into Siegs' hair and gently moved him forward until his forehead touched his thigh and he kept him there, his touch gentle, but commanding. </p><p>No one said a word. No one bothered them, but he could feel the eyes on them anyway. Now he knew how it'd felt when he'd watched in rapt attention the few times this had taken place in the locker room in front of him and, in a way, he liked it. He liked showing he could be strong enough to tend to someone else's needs, that he held enough affection to tend to his rookie. His fingers soothed and his gaze never wavered from how Siegs knelt in front of him, all but slumped there, as if he couldn't summon up enough to do anything further, and it didn't truly surprise him when he felt the dampness on his pant leg, when he noted the tiny tremble in Siegs' shoulders, and he stepped in just a tiny bit more, crowded because it felt right, helped hide him because this was private, not for the world to see. No one else needed to watch Siegs fall apart. No one else needed to see him be put back together. </p><p>The guys seemed to sense the need for privacy because they began to pack up and move away. Even the equipment guy made quick work of the stalls around them and departed the room for a while. </p><p>Radko spoke then, his voice as gentle as he could make it while still holding the note of control he knew was necessary. "Tell me what you need."</p><p>Siegs' voice was broken when he spoke, weighted down the same way his body felt against Radko's leg. "To not fail at something."</p><p>That... that hurt. Way down deep into Radko's soul. He pulled on all the strings inside himself that helped others. The ones that had comforted the rejected rookie his first year in the league, the ones that helped his daughter when she wailed late into the night for reasons beyond anyone's best guesses, the ones that let him roll down car windows and hold out the baggies of supplies to help the homeless that he was fairly certain no one knew he kept in the center console. He found and pulled every strand of it within himself and opened himself just as much as Siegs was cracking himself open for him right now. He let the pain of the words seep into the very fabric of his being and he debated what Siegs would want to succeed at.</p><p>Like this, he needed to feel like he succeeded at hockey, but also at something more than that. It wouldn't do to focus it all on success in hockey terms. He gave a gentle tug to Siegs' hair, listened to the wet intake of breath, and made up his mind. "What are your boundaries?"</p><p>For the first time since he'd been down there, Siegs slipped his arms around Radko's leg and he felt him shudder, watched it absolutely wrack him, before he gave a rough whisper of, "No permanent marks. Nothing that will pull me from the next game unless you feel I deserve that. Tell me if you do, so I know why it's happening." His voice was so clear by the end, as if having to list it were forcing him to pull himself out of whatever vulnerable place he'd let himself slip into, and Radko kept his hand moving against his scalp, tried to keep him reminded of what they were doing here while he spoke. </p><p>"Nothing you'll hate me for later. I don't... I don't think I could take it if you avoided me after we were done."</p><p>Something fierce and protective took up residence in Radko's chest and he slid his palm down, cupped it around the back of his neck, and held on. His touch sent a shiver through Siegs and Radko knew exactly how he was looking at him now, felt the fire that licked up his spine, understood what it was doing to him to have such a response. It was base, something he didn't have full control over, and that thought alone had him tangling his hand in the short hairs at the nape of Siegs' neck and gently tipping his head back. "You opt out at any time. Anything you don't want. There is no obligation behind my words. I will not be disappointed in you because you decline anything I ask of you. I <i>will</i> be disappointed if you do something you don't want to. Understood?"</p><p>"Yes." The word was easy, steady in a way none of his previous words had been and Radko let go, moving to ruffle his hair lightly. "Practice gear on. Skates, too."</p><p>He stood back and let Siegs get everything on, led him down the hall and onto the familiar rink, opening the gate and stepping onto the ice, holding the door open for Siegs. "You're doing laps. Come to a stop in front of me at the end of each lap and wait on me to nod before you go." He gestured to his right and Siegs took off, pushing into it hard and Radko waited until he came to a stop in front of him the first time. He regarded him and murmured, "Feel the ice under your skates, listen to the sound of the ice, to your breath. Lean into the speed that your body tells you to." He flicked his fingers toward the right again. "Go."</p><p>He stood, hands in his suit pockets, his gaze following Siegs around the rink, watching him ease into what he'd told him. When he came to a stop in front of him, he quietly offered, "Three more, do not stop until the third pass this time. Same rules."</p><p>Siegs hit his stride partway through the second lap and it was like Radko was watching him sink into himself in real time. The third lap was something truly beautiful. When he came to a stop in front of him this time, Radko reached out and lightly brushed his hand along Siegs' shoulder, down his arm, and then away. "You did so good out there. Followed my instructions so well. Would you like to take another few laps?"</p><p>"Yes please, if you would like me to."</p><p>He flicked his fingers. "Do not stop unless you feel you need something from me or I tell you to."</p><p>Siegs was off, easily falling back into the task he'd been given and it took three more laps before he came to a stop, looking uneasy, shifting on his skates. </p><p>"Tell me."</p><p>"It's too easy. Built not to fail."</p><p>"Perhaps <i>you</i> are just not built to fail this. It would not be easy to everyone."</p><p>"I need to not fail at something harder."</p><p>Radko considered it and the level of exhaustion Siegs had to be feeling after their game and he did his best to hide any trepidation he had over pushing him too hard. "Stand here." He walked across the ice to the other benches, pulled one of the sticks and rooted until he found a stray puck and came back with them, tossing the puck on the ice and holding out the stick. "Someone else's stick. Not our home ice. No net but you know what would and wouldn't hit. I want puck handling drills from there," he pointed to the center line and then to the midway point to the crease they were closest to, "to there. Take the shot. Retrieve the puck, repeat. Stop when I say."</p><p>Siegs took off and Radko watched him, saw him on every single round, kept careful track of the amount of misses versus goals he'd have made and ensured he came out far on top before he stopped him. "You're done," he called and watched as Siegs skated to him, sweaty and breathing hard, and he tilted his head at him, regarded him carefully for a moment before he nodded toward the hallway back toward the locker rooms. "Leave the stick and puck here and we'll go shower."</p><p>They made it to the locker room and Siegs silently moved to strip off and headed for the showers. Radko waited until he was in there before stripping down as well and joining him. He took his chances and he brought a towel with him and when he arrived at the shower head Siegs had chosen, he tossed the towel to the floor and gestured down to it. "Kneel for me."</p><p>Siegs went easily, melting down into proper position, his hands behind his back, his forehead resting on Radko's thigh, and something unwound even further inside Radko as well, something he hadn't known was coiled up all this time. He stroked over his wet hair, massaged his scalp, worked shampoo and conditioner through his hair and rinsed his hair clean. Every action seemed to yield Siegs sinking more and more into the place that Radko knew he was looking for, had been why he'd asked to kneel for Radko to start with, and he felt proud in some weird way. Proud he'd gotten Siegs where he needed to be.</p><p>"You're doing so good for me," he murmured, his hand warm and heavy on the back of Siegs' neck. </p><p>Siegs whispered, "Do you really believe that?"</p><p>"I wouldn't lie to you. That's not how this works."</p><p>He felt he soft shudder Siegs gave and Radko breathed out, "I need you to get comfortable for me. Do you want to stay in here or go to the locker room to continue kneeling?"</p><p>"Out there, please."</p><p>"Okay, let's go then." He turned off the shower and they both grabbed towels, Radko taking four and Siegs taking one to dry with as they walked. He dropped one towel on the floor, spread another on the bench in front of his stall, and settled, spreading one over his lap, the other around his shoulders. Siegs knelt and curled up against his thigh, between his legs and he just looked so content that Radko couldn't help but smile as he slid his hand along his collar bone and then to his throat, gently resting his palm there, feeling his every breath, his every swallow, and he let it lull him just as much.</p><p>They sat for what felt like hours, easy with one another in ways Radko hadn't expected. When his phone vibrated somewhere behind him, he murmured, "I want you to know all you ever have to do is ask me if you need to kneel." He removed the ring from his thumb and held it out for Siegs. "Leave this in my stall, sitting on the bench and I'll know you need it."</p><p>Siegs lifted his head then, reached up and took the ring, sliding it onto his own thumb and studying Radko for a long moment. "If you need me to kneel for you, tell me. I'll always be happy to help you in the same way. This team... we need you. <i>I</i> need you. Don't ever forget that."</p><p>Radko smiled at him as he helped him up, embraced him with strong arms and felt the same in return. It was good to know and a better thing to feel. He tucked that knowledge deep inside him as they got ready to leave. They left, Siegs trailing along after him and as they got into the car, Radko realized this was what he'd been missing, never having someone kneel for him, never having knelt for someone in turn. This warm feeling of belonging that had been missing all season was <i>exactly</i> why he'd needed to have someone kneel for him. </p><p>He stared out the window and he smiled. Maybe this place used to be his home. Maybe it wasn't anymore. But now... now that was okay.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I hope this lived up to something you might have wanted from it! My first time trying to write kneeling-verse.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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